


Another inappropriate erection

by lola381pce



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Inappropriate Erections, M/M, Masturbation, NSFW, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Other, Porn, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-01 19:46:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2785490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lola381pce/pseuds/lola381pce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An erection can happen for many reasons - sexual attraction, adrenaline rush, stress, fear, boredom - however Coulson's cock didn't always need a reason but it generally needed to be taken care of...with or without a little help from a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lillyjk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillyjk/gifts), [AdamantSteve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdamantSteve/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Phil sighed inwardly. An inappropriate erection was something he really didn’t need right now. It’s not like he hadn’t had them before, all too frequently unfortunately, and generally at the worst possible moment: in the middle of kicking someone’s teeth in? Check (the gas station on his way to New Mexico sprang to mind); hanging upside down with his knees hooked over a roof beam waiting to kill an assassin before the assassin killed his target? Check (on a side note – who knew the blood could rush to both heads at the same time!); and during one particularly painful interrogation session when, suspended by his wrists naked as a jaybird, his dick started to reach for the sky right in the eye line of his torturer who, unsurprisingly enough, had taken it as a personal affront.

And tonight’s event at which his cock had decided to make a guest appearance? Why thank you for asking; a gala at the US embassy in a small unknown country where the US Ambassador was waxing lyrical about whether or not the American government should bankroll said small unknown country or another similar but far poorer one over the border. Bored rigid, literally, Coulson commented “This one. It’s better to fund a country that won’t pay rather than one that can’t.” The Ambassador nodded enthusiastically at Coulson’s wise words before the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent moved away rather then stab the pompous airbag in the eye with the cocktail stick from his martini. Haha! Cocktail stick! Jeezus he needed a wank!

Smiling graciously he excused himself and headed to bathroom where he washed his hands and, moments later, disappointed, frustrated and in more than a little pain, Coulson re-joined the gathering with erection still intact; too many people at the urinals and he was reasonably sure at least two people were fucking in the last stall…no thank you.  

“Private channel, Coulson,” said a disembodied voice in his ear. Barton. Uncertain to the reason why he was contacting him on comms requesting privacy he nevertheless followed his archer’s request and advised the support team they was going silent until further notice. Bugger all was happening here anyway.

“Head for the main stairway in the reception hall. When you get to the top turn left and continue along the corridor to the last door on the right.” With an unreadable expression on his face Coulson did as instructed without hesitation such was his trust in the archer. On reaching the door he cautiously opened it to find a beautifully appointed and, more importantly, very empty private bathroom. Coulson smiled and entered closing the door and locking it behind him. “How did you know?” he asked just a little embarrassed that Barton was aware of what was on his mind and currently in his pants.

“Aw, sir, I’m hurt. I’m called Hawkeye for a reason. I could see your cock from my position; and as impressive as it is, sir, I reckon you maybe need to calm that puppy down before you attract the wrong kind of attention.” As always when Barton mentioned his, Coulson’s, body parts the tip of his ears glowed red. He rolled his eyes as Barton continued. “Personally I believe your tailor should be congratulated that the zipper actually held out against the strain it was under. Anyway, thought you might like a hand.”

“You offering?” Coulson quipped as he unfastened his belt, button and said zipper before dropping his tuxedo pants to his thighs sighing with relief that his cock was now only pushing against the silk of his boxers.

“Nah…someone’s gotta keep an eye on things while you jerk off.”

Coulson huffed out a small laugh. “Well I appreciate it, Barton. I guess I owe you.”

Barton responded his voice suddenly low and husky which Coulson had to admit did things to his cock that he rather liked. “Take your glasses off and leave the comms open while you do it and we’ll call it quits.”

Coulson shivered at Barton’s voice and his words. He hesitated for a second before deciding ‘why the fuck not’. He’d already switched the micro camera in the glasses to ‘off’ but now he re-set it to continue a live feed to Barton only. Once again he followed the archer’s instructions and laid the frames down on the vanity unit and turned them towards himself as he pushed down his boxers and took his dick in his hand. His long, graceful fingers wrapped round his thick cock and with his eyes half closed, his head falling back slightly he slowly stroked his shaft. He wasn’t making much noise but his breath hitched as his hand slid up and down, thumb brushing over the tip through the pre-come dragging it back down his shaft causing it to glisten with slick. Coulson’s mouth opened slightly, his tongue flicking out circling his lips before he gently bit down on his lower lip to hold back the soft groan that threatened to break free as his dick continued to fill out in his palm.

“Oh fuck me, sir, that’s hot!” groaned Barton palming himself through his own pants thanking his earlier planning that he was well hidden from the rest of the attendees.

Coulson said nothing, just grunted as the sweep of his hand and slight twist of his wrist caused his hips to jerk and his dick to weep a little more pre-come which glinted at the tip as it teetered there for a moment before dripping over the edge running down the underside of his cock where Coulson collected it on an upward stroke rubbing it in with the rest of the slick on a downward.

“Oh fuck, Coulson. Fuck yeah!” moaned Barton in his ear.

At the sound, not only did Coulson’s cock twitch, his hole fluttered with want, perhaps even a need to be breached. He picked up the pace slightly causing just the right amount of friction to elicit a filthy groan from his mouth and a rapid tightening of his balls. This was going to over embarrassingly quickly but knowing that the archer was watching along with Barton’s verbal encouragement in his ear really wasn’t helping his staying power at this particular juncture.

“Oh fuck, Coulson,” Barton moaned. “I wanna see you come. I wanna see you shoot all over that wall. Do it, sir, come for me.”

The senior agent leaned back, his free hand gripping the wall to keep him steady as his right continued with its mission. Another few firm strokes and Coulson fell apart, his hips snapping forward as the come erupted from his cock liberally coating the wall opposite. The growling noise he made from deep in his chest as he came a nearly had Barton exploding in his own boxers; it was sheer will power alone that stopped him – well that and the knowledge that walking around in sticky underpants was not a fun activity.

“Jeezus fucking Christ, Coulson! That was…” For once Barton was pretty much at a loss for words. As for Coulson, it took him a moment to get his breathing under control from one of the best and most intense orgasms he’d had in a long time. But when he did, he deadpanned “I’m glad you enjoyed the show, Barton, how about giving me a sit-rep.”

“No problem, sir. Mind if I adjust my cock first?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter as requested - not quite as explicit as the first but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Besides it's needed as a backdrop for chapter three which may or may not be far behind...

Coulson was in a meeting along with several other senior agents going through the usual financial bullshit with Fury in the boardroom: mission stats; mission costs; mission equipment lost, damaged or misappropriated etc. Although he’s hearing what’s being said, his mind had already begun to drift back to that last mission he was on with Barton at the Ambassador’s residence and the way his archer “assisted” him with an inappropriate erection that appeared during the gala.

Barton may only have been watching through the hidden camera fitted in his glasses as Coulson jerked off in the private bathroom but he could easily just have been in the room with him going by the noises he was making in Coulson’s ear. Fuck, it had been hot!

And really? Now? He could feel his cock harden again at the thought of Barton watching him stroke his shaft until he shot his load all over the Ambassador’s bathroom wall like a Jackson Pollock painting. He snorted at the image and then, remembering where he was and with whom, he looked directly at Fury making contact with that single glaring eye.

“Something amusing you, Agent Coulson?” Fury enquired with the usual acerbic edge to his tone when someone interrupted him in mid-flow (somewhat unfortunate phrasing thought Coulson).

Unfazed Coulson replied, “These meeting always amuse me, Director Fury.”

“Oh really! Perhaps you would care to enlighten the rest of the room?”

“I find it hilarious that we’re supposed to run an operation on a budget that gets smaller every operation. It’s hysterical that we’re supposed to bring back injured colleagues with a medical team that has one less medic every mission. In fact I nearly rupture myself how we’re supposed to...”

“Okay! Okay goddamn it! I’ll see what I can do. Everyone get the fuck out!” Coulson remained seated as everyone else left and began to spread paperwork across the desk while turning on his StarkPad.

“Oh I’m sorry, Coulson. You weren’t finished?” the Director snarked.

“I just thought I’d stay here a while and do some work.”

“Stay h...what the fuck?”

“Is that a problem, Director?”

“Frankly, Coulson, yes it is! Normally you’re the first one out of here desperate to get back to that office of yours. So what’s wrong today?”

Coulson shook his head and cast his eyes up from the paperwork in front of him. He sighed. “It’s a matter of efficiency. I can get through more paperwork sitting here than if...”

“Hold the fucking phone! Efficiency my goddamn ass! The fuck’s going on, Coulson? Spill!”

Again, an unfortunate choice of words thought Phil. He was contemplating the next remotely plausible excuse when Fury interrupted his thought process.

“Awww **_HELL_** no! Are you serious?”

Coulson said nothing merely raising an eyebrow while giving his boss an inscrutable look.

“How long?”

Coulson raised his eyebrow a little higher which Fury correctly translated as ‘How long what?’

“How long have you had a hard dick at **_MY_** meeting?”

Coulson sighed and dropped his head onto the paper work and mumbled, “Since mission stats.” There wasn’t really much point in denying it now. Fury’s known him too long.

“Aww Jeezus, Cheese! That was the first item on the fucking agenda!” Fury whined. Coulson straightened up again, shrugged and gave him a goofy grin. Fury erupted into a bout of laughter that made his body shake. When he finally stopped he looked at his old friend with amusement. “You know I should really make you walk back to your office with that boner on show.”

“Probably,” Coulson agreed. He wouldn’t put it past the director either.

“Do you remember Drill Sergeant Morning Glory?”

Coulson hadn’t thought of him in years and for good reason. He was a Drill Sergeant in the Army Rangers who was so terrifying he made three men over six feet tall and built like a proverbial brick shit house wet their pants on the first day. Drill Sergeant Morning Glory was so nicknamed because the mere mention of his name could cause the hardest of early morning dawn-horn to disappear in the blink of an eye. It also had the unfortunate side-effect of causing some men, in later life, to lose their wood when they actually wanted it.

The memory of him still had the same effect on Coulson; his face turned a sickly gray and the shiver that ran through him went from his scalp to his toes. And miracle of miracles...his cock deflated quicker than a bouncy castle with a leak.

Fury snorted. “You’re welcome,” he said as he stood from the table.

Coulson looked at him with a miserable expression on his face. “Honestly, Marcus – I’d rather you’d made me walk back to my office with a boner.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And back to explicit smut...

The next time Coulson had an inappropriate erection was three days later when he was in another meeting this time with Barton in attendance. It wasn’t the first time he'd seen his archer since the Ambassador’s residence incident had occurred but it was the first time he’d watched Barton suck on his pen while taking in what was going on around him.

Coulson was transfixed by the way the pen sat on Barton’s tongue and how his lips closed round it as he moved it slowly backwards and forwards in his mouth before taking it out and seductively licking the end of it with the tip of his tongue before doing it all again. Coulson had no idea if his archer was doing it on purpose (probably) but he could feel his cock stirring in appreciation at his technique. Another few minutes of staring and his cock was fully erect, throbbing and had tented his pants. He would be royally fucked if an alarm sounded right about now.

Sighing internally but knowing there was nothing else for it, Coulson dragged his eyes away from Barton and called up the image of Drill Sergeant Morning Glory and...nothing. His dick was as hard as ever. He tried again thinking of his first day in training and the piss leaking from the three huge trainees and... _nothing_! Fuck! His cock was broken!

Although his face was unreadable as always, inside he was a tad...well, mildly freaked out. What if his dick never went down again? He flicked his eyes back to Barton who was now watching him as he twirled his tongue round the barrel of the pen sliding backwards and forwards along the flat surface of it, his eyes never leaving his handler. Fuck! The little shit _had_ been doing it deliberately.  Coulson’s cock gave another throb. Jeezus he needed a wank!

“Alright everyone, thank you,” said the meeting chairperson and the room was filled with the sound of several chairs been scraped along the floor and murmurings of people discussing different topics all at once. The room was finally empty save Coulson and Barton who remained seated and stared at each other.

“Is everything okay, sir?” Barton enquired in a somewhat mocking tone.

“Everything’s fine, Agent Barton. Did you imagine there was some sort of problem?” Even to his own ears Coulson’s voice sounded hoarse. And what the fuck was his mouth doing apart from allowing the tip of his tongue to lick round his lips before catching the bottom one between his teeth. Shit! Fuck! Bastard! Perhaps Barton hadn’t noticed.

Barton grinned knowingly at him...ohhhhh he’d noticed. “That’s okay then...it’s just if there _had_ been a “problem” I _might_ have something that could have eased the situation.” And he rummaged in a pocket of his black cargo pants before bringing out a bottle of lube and a pack of tissues. Coulson looked at the items and swallowed, or at least he tried to – it was difficult with his mouth suddenly going dry.

Barton stood up and moved to the door flicking the lock before returning to his handler picking up his supplies on the way. He sat on the desk beside Coulson and leaned forward so that his mouth was against the senior agent’s ear and whispered in a seductive tone, “See now, I think you’re lying, Agent Coulson.” He popped the lid of the bottle and ran the pad of his thumb over the opening. Coulson could feel his archer’s breath ghosting across his ear and down his neck and he suppressed the shiver...just but he could do nothing about the gooseflesh that shamelessly broke out over his skin.

Barton continued even though he could feel his own cock getting hard, “ _I_ think right now you’re sporting a hard-on that’s threatening to break through your zipper. _I_ think you want to pull your cock free from your pants and wrap your hand round that big, thick shaft of yours and pump it till you come. Am I right, Agent Coulson?”

Coulson sat staring straight ahead his face expressionless but the muscles that jumped in his jaw as Barton spoke gave him away. Slowly he turned his head to face the specialist and even Barton was taken aback at the black of Coulson’s eyes; there was just the tiniest bit of blue left around the outer edge, otherwise they’d completely blown. Deliberately he pushed his chair back from the table and sat with his legs apart displaying the extent of the impressive bulge that was straining against his zipper as Barton has so accurately described. Coulson rested his hands on either arm of the seat and spoke quietly “I think, Agent Barton, if you believe you know what I want you should go ahead and show me.”

Barton tilted his head to the side and looked at Coulson for a moment trying to gauge if he was joking. Finally making a decision he pushed himself off the desk and walked around behind the senior agent. He leaned forward again slowly sliding his hands down Coulson’s chest feeling his nipples harden through the dress shirt, over the flat of his stomach to his cock which he rubbed through the material. Coulson’s hands clenched the arms of the chair but otherwise he didn’t move; didn’t make a sound.

Pulling back up again, Barton reached his handler’s belt and unfastened it tearing it free from the loops in Coulson’s pants before dropping it on the floor. He popped the button and pulled down the zipper opening his pants, fully exposing his black boxers and ran his hand over Coulson’s length through the material. “How am I doing so far, sir?” he breathed in Coulson’s ear.

“Very perceptive,” he responded. Although Coulson’s voice is rough it remained calm and level. Barton had to do something about that.

He reached behind the waistband of the boxers and slipped his hand inside feeling the silky skin of Coulson’s cock. Coulson tensed in his seat but he continued to stay relatively still; he made no sound. Barton trailed his fingertips lightly over Coulson’s shaft until he reached the tip where he circled the slit with the pad of his thumb. He felt the sticky tell-tale sign of pre-come and rubbed his thumb through it finally making Coulson jolt, however slightly, in his seat; Barton considered it a win.

He pulled his hand back and slid his fingers round and down behind the band of Coulson’s boxers. Coulson lifted his hips and Barton tugged them along with his pants down to his thighs freeing his cock which nodded in agreement at its release.

“Fuck, sir, you have a gorgeous cock.”

Coulson raised an eyebrow. “Thank you, Barton,” he deadpanned.

The archer snorted out a slightly embarrassed laugh and reached across to the table to pick up the bottle of lube. He poured a liberal amount into his palm before dropping his hand to Coulson’s cock and began to slide his hand up and down his shaft. Finally he gained a reaction as Coulson groaned filthy and deep from his throat.

“How am I doing now, sir?” he asked flicking his tongue against Coulson’s earlobe while stroking his dick from root to tip adding a little twist as he reached the head.

“Very commendable, Barton,” growled Coulson gasped as his archer continued to pump his cock in a steady rhythm. The lube helped his palm glide smoothly over the skin making Coulson lift his hips to thrust into the other man’s hand.

“Well let’s see if I can raise that to fucking amazing,” and added a gentle squeeze to his already firm grip. His palm twisted over Coulson’s head gathering up the pre-come that was oozing from his slit mixing it in with the lube. As Coulson’s breathing started to become laboured Barton increased the speed of his strokes making his handler’s breath catch in his throat. Barton could hear the chair arms creak under Coulson’s grip. He’s close now.

“You gonna come for me, sir?” Barton whispered in his ear. Coulson’s body tensed and for a couple of seconds there’s no further movement, no sound then his body shuddered as his cock spurted come across the table; the sound he makes from deep within his chest is low and deep like an animal growling; Barton’s both turned on and almost a little afraid of it. He waited until his handler got his breathing under control again before handing him a wad of tissues and quipping, “So I guess I was right about what you wanted.”

Coulson took the bundle and cleaned himself off. “Almost Barton,” he replied. “However next time I would really prefer you to lick my cock clean.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senior Agent Phillip J Coulson and Specialist Clinton F Barton find themselves trying to get comfortable in a tiny, cramped, dark little cupboard, hiding from Hydra agents somewhere in deep enemy territory. Barton is on his knees under a shelf and Coulson is standing over him with is back to the wall when the inevitable happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No narrative, just talking, bad puns and...other stuff

Seriously, sir?

_It would appear so, Agent._

I mean, like…right now?

_Apparently._

Must be uncomfortable. 

 _Copy that, Agent_.

There’s no telling how long we’re going to be in here…in this tiny, cramped, dark little cupboard.

_I’m aware of that._

Oh. Okay.

 

* **silence** *

 

_Agent, do you know your hand is on my dick?_

You hum it, sir and I’ll play it.

* **sighs** *

_Just so as you’re aware I’m rolling my eyes right now._

Copy that, sir. But I’ll always believe the old ones are the good ones. Not that you’re old exactly, sir.

_It’s been a while since I wrote you up for insubordination, isn’t Agent Barton?_

Yes, sir.

 

* **silence followed by quiet and**   **tuneless** **humming** *

 

Sir?

_Yes, Agent Barton?_

Are you…are you  _humming_?

_I am._

Okay. Just checking.

 

* **sounds of a zipper being pulled down and rustling of clothing** *

 

I don’t say this often enough, sir but you have an amazing cock

 _Thank you, Barton, that's a_ … _ **ahhhhhh**!_

 

* **muffled moaning, whispered curses and quiet sucking noises** *

 

_Ahhhh fuck, Barton…close! AhhhhhhAHHHHH!_

 

* **sounds of heavy breathing, rustling clothing and a zipper being pulled up** *

 

Better, sir?

_Much.  I appreciate the assistance, Barton._

Always a pleasure, sir. Never a chore.

 _You know I **can ** still discipline you, Agent?_  
  
Copy that, sir. Counting on it.


End file.
